Mid Breath

I keep thinking about someone flipping an hourglass upside down.

How each grain of sand feels like it’s piling on top of my shoulders.

Not heavy all at once— just enough, constantly,

to remind me that time is moving whether I’m ready or not.

The concept of temporality carries profound existential weight.

It shapes how we understand life, meaning, love, and loss.

Our awareness of mortality is the defining feature of being human—

the thing that gives life urgency, that forces us to choose,

that makes moments matter precisely because they end.

And still, it feels suffocating.

Because I never feel like I have enough of it.

I find myself wishing every single day for more time,

which is ironic, because I spend the time I so desperately want

thinking about how I don’t have it,

writing about how I don’t have it,

measuring my life by the ticking of a clock that never slows down for me.

But what I really mean isn’t that I want more time in general.

I want time with people who cannot give it to me.

People who matter.

People who arrive already halfway out the door.

People who feel real and mutual and present—

until circumstance reminds me that presence is temporary.

I wish I could turn the clock backward.

Not because I regret anything.

Not because I want a redo.

But because I wonder what would happen

if I met people sooner,

said something sooner,

stayed longer,

left earlier.

I want to stick my hand into the clock and spin it back,

as if reversing the hour hand could reverse the ache,

as if time could be persuaded to show mercy.

Everything in my life feels like it gets cut off mid breath.

Mid laugh.

Mid feeling.

Mid becoming.

This blog exists in that space the space between holding on and letting go,

between hope and realism, between knowing something won’t last

and letting it matter anyway. If you’re here, maybe you know this feeling too.

The frustration of loving in a world that moves too fast. The exhaustion of

understanding why things end and still wishing they wouldn’t. This is for the

moments that don’t get to finish their sentences. For the connections that are real

even if they are brief. For anyone who has ever felt time slip through their hands

while they were still breathing it in.

Welcome to Mid Breath.